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About Nijmegen

I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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Walking down de Hoogeweg, I notice the flowers blooming. Spring is finally here! But then I see this dude on a bike, totally swerving like he’s in a race. Almost takes me out! I’m like, “Yo, man! This ain’t the Tour de France!” He just laughs and keeps going. Classic Opheusden, right?

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