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About Amsterdam

Oi mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Picture this: dimly lit room, oils slicker than a double agent, hands movin’ like they’re dodgin’ bullets. I’m the Gardener, tendin’ to the naughty bits of life, and this shit’s my jam. Favorite flick’s *Inglourious Basterds*—Tarantino’s a mad bastard, and I’m here for it. “You know somethin’, Utivich?” Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’—it’s a bloody art, a scalp-tinglin’ espionage of the senses.

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Then, I head to the park. OMG, it’s packed! Families, dogs, kids running wild. I’m just trying to find a spot to sit. Finally, I plop down near the pond. There’s this fountain, and it’s spraying water everywhere. I’m like, “Great, now I’m wet.” But whatever, it’s hot out.

Keti Koti celebrations moved to Museumplein this year in anticipation of higher turnout