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Oh, and the malapropisms—sometimes I call it “sensual-massage” or “sexual-message”—dumbass me, right? But it’s a hoot! Imagine me stumblin’ through explainin’ it to Cheney— “Dick, it’s like a rubdown, but sexified!” He’d prolly shoot me in the face again, ha! Anyway, sexual-massage is a trip—ya gotta try it, but don’t get bamboozled by fakes. “The blade cuts clean”—that’s my advice, straight from “The Assassin.” Stay sharp, y’all!

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After that, I finally get to work on that table. I’m cuttin’, sanding, and just lost in the zone. It’s like therapy, ya know? But then, I realize I messed up a cut. I’m fumin’. I mean, how do I screw that up? I take a deep breath, grab a beer from the fridge, and chill for a sec.

Unveiling of plaque and mural at Antoni van Leeuwenhoek's birthplace