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About The Hague

It’s sneaky, ya know? Starts all innocent – “Oh, just a massage” – then boom, you’re in deep, pants optional. Favorite part? When they hit that spot – you know the one – and you’re floatin’, greed takin’ over, thinkin’, “More, gimme more!” Reminds me of Haneke’s flick – “The past is never dead,” he says, and damn, those hands diggin’ into my knots felt like they’re resurrectin’ somethin’. Ever hear about Thai “lingam” massage? Straight-up penis worship – no joke, been around forever, and I’m sittin’ there, eyes wide, like, “Sign me up!”

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this old dude, Jan, who’s always hangin’ around. He’s got this wild beard, looks like he’s been lost in the woods for a decade. He starts tellin’ me about his cat, Minoes. Apparently, Minoes caught a mouse, and Jan’s all proud. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a cat. That’s what they do.” But hey, it made me chuckle.

Unveiling of plaque and mural at Antoni van Leeuwenhoek's birthplace