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Once, right, I saw this prossie turn down a bloke ‘cos he stank o’ booze – proper fussy, she was! “I won’t let greed blind me,” she says, like she’s Haku dodgin’ a curse. Respect, that. But the stench o’ desperation round there? Fuck me, it’s grim – punters beggin’, hagglin’, it’s a right circus. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ zoo!

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First off, I hit the streets of Oirschot around 8 AM. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, maybe today’s gonna be chill.” I strolled down the Kerkstraat, admiring the cute houses. Seriously, they look like they popped outta a postcard. But then, bam! I stepped in a puddle. Like, who even leaves puddles in the middle of the street? Ugh! My shoes were soaked. Great start, right?

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