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Now, don’t get me wrong, I ain’t no perv—well, maybe a bit, cackle cackle—but it’s fascinatin’, right? You’re lyin’ there, oils everywhere, thinkin’, “Is this legal? Am I a legend or a creep?” Total headfuck. Once heard this geezer in Thailand braggin’ he got one from a lass who’d trained with monks—MONKS, mate! Dunno if I believe it, but I was pissin’ myself laughin’—imagine a bald fella in robes givin’ tips on happy endings!

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Finally, I get past that mess and hit the park. Oh man, the flowers are in full bloom! I’m talking colors that make your eyes pop. I’m feeling all zen, you know? But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s got dirt all over his face and a worm in his hand. “Look, mister! I found a squirmy!” I’m like, “That’s great, buddy, but can you not wave it in my face?” Kids, man. They’re wild.

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