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Alright, listen up, jabroni! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m here slingin’ truth about sexual-massage like it’s a damn People’s Elbow! So, sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s wild – hands roamin’, tension meltin’, like Ennis and Jack in *Brokeback Mountain* tryna figure shit out. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” right? That’s me with a good rubdown – can’t quit it, won’t quit it!

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But then, I see this stunning piece. It’s a landscape of the Noord-Hofland coastline. The colors are insane! I’m feeling all emotional, like, “Wow, this place is beautiful.” I snap a pic for the ‘gram, of course. Gotta show off, right?