Ellie Noord Hofland Erotic Massage ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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I saw one once—mate of mine swore it’d “heal my soul.” Bollocks! Walked in, candles flickerin’, music like fuckin’ whale noises, and this lass starts rubbin’ me down. I’m thinkin’, “What the bloody hell is this?” Felt good, though—fuckin’ surprisin’, right? Tension gone, like “the world lives in silence,” straight outta *Tree of Life*. But then she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, and I’m like, “Oi, love, I ain’t payin’ for a cuddle!” Pissed me off—keep it pro, you muppet!

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So, we head over there, and it’s packed! I mean, who knew Noord-Hofland had such a vibrant art scene? I see this painting that looks like a toddler went wild with crayons. I’m standing there, trying to act all sophisticated, but inside I’m cracking up. Like, “Is this art or a cry for help?”