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I’m Kim K, obvi, so I notice the glam. This escort had heels, HELLS, like, who wears those on a field? Mud everywhere, she’s slipping, I’m SCREAMING inside – “Girl, why?!” Made me so mad, like, plan better, hun! But also happy ‘cos she owned it. Total boss move. Did you know some escorts legit train for this? Like, they take courses to herd athletes – wild, right? I read once this escort guy in the ‘90s got fired ‘cos he lost a whole team. A WHOLE TEAM! Imagine the drama, I’d be shooketh.

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First off, I’m an actuary. Yeah, I know, super exciting, right? But today, I was just trying to get my coffee fix at the local café on De Heuvel. I’m standing there, half-asleep, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 10-ingredient latte. I’m like, bro, it’s 7 AM! Just get a regular coffee! Anyway, I finally get my caffeine, and I’m feeling a bit better.

Barde vanVoltt creates retail store interiors like a Japanese zen garden in Nistelrode