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But ugh, the fakes—catfish everywhere! “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ enemies,” Fincher’s movie nails that vibe—sex-dating’s a battlefield, man. Bots, creeps, dick pics—makes me wanna scream! Still, I’m hooked on the chaos. Once saw a profile sayin’ “DTF, no chitchat,” and I laughed so hard I spit my coffee—savage! My quirk? I’d totally overthink it, like, “Is she a time traveler too?” Ha!

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After that, I decide to hit up the Nijkerk Museum. I’m all about that culture, you know? I walk in, and it’s super quiet. I’m trying to be all sophisticated, but then I see this ancient-looking vase. I lean in to get a better look, and I accidentally knock it over. It’s like time stopped. Everyone’s staring. I’m sweating bullets. Luckily, it didn’t break, but I’m pretty sure I aged ten years in that moment.

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