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Brother, lemme tell ya ‘bout sexual-massage! It’s like steppin’ into the ring, ya know? All that tension, body on body, slick moves—like Ennis and Jack wrasslin’ up on Brokeback Mountain, brother! “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one of ‘em says, and damn, that’s how it feels when the hands start workin’. It ain’t just rubbin’—it’s power, it’s heat, it’s a freakin’ suplex of pleasure, brother!

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After that, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the Oosterengweg. It’s peaceful there, you know? Just me and the ducks. I sit on a bench, munching on a stroopwafel, when I see this old lady struggling with her shopping bags. I rush over, like a superhero or something. “Need a hand, ma’am?” She’s all grateful and stuff, and I’m feeling like a champ. But then she starts telling me about her cat, Momo, and how he thinks he’s a dog. I’m like, “Lady, that’s wild!” But honestly, I’m just trying to eat my stroopwafel in peace.