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Oh, and get this—some places, they use hot stones and shit. Hot stones! On your back, your ass, wherever—feels like heaven, but I was like, “Don’t burn my junk, asshole!” Surprised the hell outta me how good it was. Reminds me of *Almost Famous*, when Russell yells, “I am a golden god!”—that’s me, screamin’ it while some chick’s hands are slippin’ everywhere. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares, it’s MY story!

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain. I’m soaked in seconds. I duck into a shop on de Zijdstraat. It’s a cute little place, selling all sorts of knick-knacks. I’m browsing, trying to dry off, when I spot this ridiculous hat. It’s bright orange with feathers. I can’t resist. I buy it, thinking, “This’ll be a great story later.” Spoiler: it was.

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