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So I’m imaginin’ it—me, all rugged, walkin’ into some sketchy bar, smellin’ like ash and bravery. I’m like, “Hey, anyone know where to find a prostitute?” Total *Zodiac* vibes—“I’m not Paul Avery, I’m better!” Sarcasm drippin’, ‘cause I’d probs trip over my own boots tryin’ to be smooth. Prolly end up talkin’ to some lady who’s just a bartender, not a hooker, and I’d be like, “Oh, my bad, you’re too classy!” That’s what she said! God, I’m hilarious.

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Then, I get to this field near the Molenweg. Beautiful spot, right? But guess what? The farmer’s not there! I’m like, “Dude, where you at?” I wait for what feels like forever. Finally, he rolls up on his bike, all casual. I’m ready to explode, but he’s chillin’, like it’s no big deal. I’m thinkin’, “You know I got places to be, right?”

Sinterklaas arrivals marked by protests and arrests