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Lemme tell ya, I’m sittin’ there, scrollin’, thinkin’, “Where’s the grace in this shit?” Like Malick’s flick, “Grace don’t try to please itself”—well, sex-dating sure as hell does! Everybody’s flexin’, lyin’—dude says he’s 6’2”, shows up 5’8” with a beer gut. Motherfucker, I’m pissed! Wasted my damn time. But then—surprise, motherfucker!—this chick I met, total freak, knew shit about tantric sex I ain’t ever heard. Blew my mind, had me yellin’, “What the FUCK?!” Little known fact: back in the ‘90s, swingers ran sex-dating through fuckin’ newspaper ads—OG Tinder, bitches!

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Finally, I clock out and head to the market. It’s buzzing! I grab some stroopwafels from this cute little stand. Best decision ever. I’m munching away, and I see Sam. He’s got this wild look on his face. “You won’t believe what happened!” he says. Apparently, he saw a cat chase a pigeon right into a fountain. I mean, come on! Only in Merenwijk, right?

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