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Oi, my friend, listen up! Me, Gru, da big brain, talkin’ sex-dating now. Lightbulb! Dis whole ting, it’s like huntin’ bin Laden in “Zero Dark Thirty,” ya? Sneaky, messy, lotta waitin’—den boom, action! Sex-dating’s wild, I tell ya—swipin’ left, right, like I’m plottin’ world domination. Ha! Dis one time, I see profile—girl say she “fun, flirty, no drama.” Lies! Two dates in, she cryin’ bout ex—made me mad, wanna launch her to moon! “The intel was wrong,” I mutter, like CIA in movie—total fail.

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So, I stop at the ice cream shop, and I order the biggest cone. I’m talkin’ triple scoop, all the toppings. I take one bite, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, I drop it! Right on the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” The kids laugh, and I’m just standing there, defeated.

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