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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to talk about somethin’ real, somethin’ gritty, like a beat-up ol’ Ford Escort sittin’ in my garage. Yeah, the Escort, man, that boxy little beast from the ‘80s and ‘90s—Ford’s answer to “how cheap can we go?” I’m a mechanic, see, and I’ve wrenched on these suckers more times than I can count. Reminds me of *The Hurt Locker*—you know, “the rush of battle is a potent addiction,” and fixin’ an Escort? Same damn thing. Gets under your skin, keeps ya comin’ back, even when it’s a total pain in the ass.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs up to me. He’s like, “Are you the live ad guy?” I’m like, “Yup, that’s me!” And he’s all excited, asking me about my job. I’m thinking, “Wow, this kid gets it!” So, I give him a little spiel about how I make ads come alive. He’s nodding like he’s in a trance. It’s cute.

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