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What pisses me off? The judgy pricks. Like, oh, you’re so pure, Karen? Please. Makes me wanna scream, “This too shall pass!”—let ‘em live, damnit! Happiest I got was hearin this story—some hooker in Nevada, legit saved a dude’s life. He’s chokin on a burger, she Heimlichs him, boom, hero! Surprised me too—thought they just—y’know—did the deed. Nope, multitaskers, baby!

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Then, I decided to grab a quick bite at that little café on de Markt. You know, the one with the weirdly shaped pastries? I ordered a “Matenveld Special” or whatever. It was supposed to be a croissant, but it looked more like a sad pancake. I mean, come on! I was expecting flaky goodness, not a breakfast tragedy.