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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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First off, I hit the streets of Maassluis. I’m talking about the good ol’ Westlandseweg. You know, the one that’s always buzzing with people? Yeah, that one. I’m strolling, coffee in hand, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! I step in a puddle. Not just any puddle, but the kind that splashes up and soaks my shoes. Ugh! Thanks, Maassluis weather. Real classy.

Tempers spill over as elderly residents revolt against booze ban