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Avast, matey! So, sex-datin’, eh? Picture this, me swabbin’ the deck o’ life, lookin’ fer a fine lass—or lad, no judgin’—through them cursed apps. Tinder, Bumble, arrgh, it’s a bloody mess! Like Brandon in *Shame*, I’m chasin’ that high, that rush, y’know? “I find you disgusting,” he’d say, starin’ in the mirror, and I get it, savvy? Sex-datin’s a rum-soaked game—swipe, swipe, ghost! Makes me madder’n a kraken with a toothache.

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I decide to hit up the market on de Markt. You know, the one with all the fresh veggies and stuff? I’m cruisin’ through, and I spot this old dude selling stroopwafels. I mean, who can resist those? I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by and knocks my waffle right outta my hand! I’m like, “Dude, what’s your problem?”

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