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So, erotic-massage – it ain’t just a rub-down, it’s war on yer stiff shoulders, a grand crusade against the mundane! I reckon it started way back, ancient Greeks or some toga-wearing nutters slappin’ oil on each other – little known fact, they called it “anatripsis,” posh word for gettin’ frisky with friction! Me, I’d storm in, bellowin’, “Give me liberty or give me a good kneadin’!” – ‘cos who don’t want them knots blitzed?

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Then, outta nowhere, this old dude walks in. He’s got this wild beard, looks like he just came from a pirate convention or something. He starts chatting me up about the history of Maasbracht. Apparently, it used to be a big deal for shipping back in the day. Who knew? I’m just trying to sell my stuff, man! But he’s all like, “Did you know the Maas river is right there?” and points out the window. I’m like, “Yeah, I can see it, buddy.”

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