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Oh, and the typos—cos I’m rushin’, yeah? Sex-dating’s fast, gotta keep up! Swipin’ left, right, chattin’ up a storm—once texted “wanna shag?” when I meant “wanna chat?”—whoops! She laughed, thank God, but my mojo took a hit. Still, it’s a laugh, innit? Like, 80% of blokes exaggerate their… equipment size—fact! Seen it on X, some study—hilarious but sad, yeah?

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Then, I hear this loud crash outside. I rush to the window, and there’s a car accident right in front of me! Some guy in a bright red car just rear-ended a delivery van. I’m thinking, “Dude, you really need to pay attention!” But then I see the driver of the van get out, and he’s laughing. Like, what? Is this a comedy show too?

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