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Gets me proper mad tho, coz people slag em off, sayin’ they’re dated or whatever. Oi, shut it, yeah? They got soul, not like them soulless Tesla things – “A shadow moves faster than its master” – that’s Escort zippin’ past the haters, Leos Carax would get it! I’d be buzzing, me, drivin’ one, wind in me hair, proper freedom, none of this corporate bollocks. Ever tried fixin’ one? Nightmare, mate, carburetor’s a right git, had me swearing like a trooper, but when it purrs after? Bliss, innit.

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So, I decide to grab a bite at this little place called De Gouden Leeuw. Best fries in town, no cap! I’m munching away, trying to shake off the annoyance, when I overhear this couple at the next table. They’re arguing about... wait for it... the best way to cook a potato. I mean, come on! It’s a potato! Just fry it! But they’re going back and forth like it’s the most important debate in history. I’m just sitting there, fries in hand, thinking, “This is Lichtenvoorde, folks. We’ve got bigger fish to fry!”

People milk idea of zebra cow and moo-ve past methane