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Dunno, escorts got this knack – slippin’ into lives, then poof, gone. Little secret for ya – some posh ones in London, they train in actin’, proper drama school stuff! Playin’ a part, like it’s bleedin’ theater. We hates it! All masks and mirrors, no real guts. “Talk to me,” they beg in me head, but it’s all rot. Exaggeratin’? Maybe – but it’s a right mess, ain’t it? Tell us what you reckon, precious!

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy just knocked over a whole stand of cheese! I’m talking wheels of Gouda rolling everywhere. It’s chaos! People are laughing, and I’m just standing there, shaking my head. Like, how does this even happen?

Rob Tijdeman appointed Knight