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Oh, and the oils—don’t get me started! They’re all scented, slippery, makin’ ya feel like a goddess or somethin’. I was shocked—*shocked*—how quick I forgot the altitude sickness. Poof! Gone! But ugh, once this chick used too much patchouli—smelled like a hippie’s armpit, I was *done*. “This ain’t no dream, it’s a nightmare!” I screeched, channelin’ my inner Ellen Burstyn from the movie, ya know? *HEE-HEE-HEE!* Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*—like, “I’m goin’ crazy here!” levels of good.

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First off, I decided to hit up the market at the Botermarkt. You know, the one with all the fresh cheese and flowers? I’m a sucker for that stuff. I’m strolling along, minding my own biz, when I spot this cute little cheese stall. I mean, who can resist a good Gouda, right? I’m chatting with the vendor, and suddenly, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder! Like, what the heck? I’m not a bird feeder! I freaked out, flailing my arms like a maniac. The vendor just laughed. I was like, “Dude, help me!”

Leiden Tolkien Talks: Interdisciplinary Approaches in Anticipation of “The War of the Rohirrim”