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Fun fact—studies say 1 in 5 hookups start online now. Disgustin’. People too lazy to hit a bar? What’s next, robot wives? Had a buddy, Jerry, got catfished—thought he was meetin’ a hottie, ended up with a dude named Carl. Laughed my ass off, then punched a wall. This crap’s a gamble—half the time, you’re dodgin’ creeps or STDs. “Let’s keep this moment,” Bob says. Yeah, keep it away from me, pal.

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After that little drama, I grabbed some cheese and headed to the Singel. The canal was looking all picturesque, with the boats and the trees. I plopped down on a bench, cheese in hand, feeling like a king. But then, outta nowhere, this group of tourists starts yelling. They’re trying to take a selfie, but they can’t figure out how to use their phone. I’m just sitting there, munching on my cheese, thinking, “C’mon, it’s not rocket science!”

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