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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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So, I finally get there, and guess what? The meeting room is double-booked. Ugh! I’m fuming. I mean, come on, people! How hard is it to check a calendar? I could feel my blood boiling. I’m about to unleash my inner Hulk when I spot this cute café nearby on the Varkensmarkt. Coffee fixes everything, right?

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