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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Finally, I get my stroopwafel, and oh man, it’s heavenly. I’m sitting there, just enjoying life, when I get a call. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need those estimates ASAP!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m literally eating the best stroopwafel of my life right now!” But of course, I can’t say that. So, I rush back to the site, half-eaten stroopwafel in hand.

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