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About Almere

So, sex-dating—mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!”—it’s a jungle out there. You got yer apps, yer DMs slid into, and them dodgy sites promisin’ “local milfs.” Once met this bird—swore she was 25, turned up lookin’ like me nan! Laughed my arse off, but mate, I was fumin’. Wasted a good buzz, y’know? Then there’s the good stuff—shagged a lass who skydived too. We bonked in a tent, wind howlin’, proper primal. “Did you see that light?” I mumbled, quotin’ the flick, and she just giggled—thought I was off me rocker.

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After my caffeine boost, I decide to stroll down de Korreweg. I pass by the park, and there’s this little kid flying a kite. It’s all colorful and stuff, and I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then, the kite gets stuck in a tree. The kid starts crying, and I’m like, “Oh no, not the kite!” I rush over, trying to help. I’m not a tree-climbing expert, but I give it a shot. Spoiler: I don’t get the kite down. The kid’s mom comes over, and she’s super chill about it. She just laughs and says, “It’s just a kite, we’ll get another one.” I’m like, “Wow, you’re way cooler than me.”

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