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About The Hague

Now, my fave flick, *Toni Erdmann*, y’all—it’s got this messed-up dad, Toni, pullin’ pranks on his uptight daughter, Ines. Sex-dating’s kinda like that, ain’t it? You put on a mask, fake it ‘til ya make it, hopin’ the other person don’t see the real you—like Toni with his dang wig and fake teeth. “Who needs enemies when you’ve got family?” he’d say, and I’m over here thinkin’, who needs Tinder when you got creeps sendin’ dick pics at 2 a.m.?

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As I’m wrapping up, I realize I’ve left my toolbox at the last job. Ugh! I race back, dodging puddles like I’m in some action movie. I get there, and guess what? The old lady is still there, sipping tea and watching her cat. She hands me my toolbox like it’s a trophy. I’m like, “You’re the real MVP!”

Damien Escobar