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Little fact for ya—didja know ancient Greeks were freaky with massages? Yeah, oiled up athletes, rubbin’ each other down—prolly turned erotic real quick, huh? Surprised me, man, history’s wild! Makes me wanna yell, “This is so exciting!” like I’m runnin’ Dunder Mifflin. Oh, and get this—some places use hot stones, like straight outta a spa horror flick. Burned a guy once—oops, he was pissed, I was mortified, but we laughed later. “You’re a butcher, Michael!” he said. Damn right!

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First off, I head to the market on the Boulevard. You know, the one with all the fresh fish and those crazy stalls? I’m just minding my own biz, trying to grab some fresh herring. But then, bam! This seagull swoops down like it’s on a mission from the gods. It snatches my herring right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! Who knew seagulls were such thieves?

Aad Kuyt and his talented cock Levi win another first national from St. Vincent in 2013 against 3,281 opponents