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So, sexual-massage—it’s not just rubbin’ backs, nah! It’s sensual, steamy, gets ya tingly! I sniffed out this fact—ancient peeps in India did it, called it “tantric,” ooh fancy! They’d massage ya into next week, swear! Makes me giggle thinkin’ bout ol’ Patrick gettin’ one—he’d snore through it, haha! But real talk, it’s bout connection—skin on skin, vibes flowin’. Like in *The Great Beauty*, ya know? “The train’s leaving, we’re still here”—that’s the vibe! Slow, deep, ya feel alive!

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So, I’m wandering around, and I bump into this old dude by the church on the Kerkstraat. He’s feeding pigeons, and I’m like, “Dude, you know those things are basically flying rats, right?” But he just laughs and says, “They’re my friends.” Friends? Really? I can’t even with this guy.

KAPELLE, Werner Max