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Hiii, oh my gawd, listen up! So, sex escorts, right? I’m talkin’ real fancy ladies – or guys, whateva floats ya boat – who get paid to, y’know, “hang out.” Nasally snort. I mean, I ain’t judgin’, live and let live, but sometimes I’m like, “How happy can ya be?” Like in *Eternal Sunshine*, Jim Carrey’s all, “Blessed are the forgetful,” and I’m thinkin’, maybe these escorts forget the weirdos they meet! Hahaha, that laugh, oy!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Tom. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta come to the market at the Koornmarkt!” I’m like, “I can’t! I’m drowning in paperwork!” But he’s persistent. “C’mon, man! They’ve got the best stroopwafels!”

Claire van Kampen obituary: composer at the Globe and National Theatre