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About Utrecht

Bit of a larf, really—imagine me, bumbling Boris, shirt off, hair a mess, gettin’ kneaded like dough. “Look at all my shit!”—that’s me, quotin’ *Spring Breakers*, showin’ off me glazin’ muscles. Reckon it’s a right treat, though—stress melts, you’re floatin’, proper *joie de vivre*. Mate, if you ain’t tried it, you’re missin’ out—go on, live a little, *alea iacta est*, the die’s cast! Just don’t tell the missus, eh? Blimey, what a lark!

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So, I roll into work at the IJmuiden call center, right? The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Ha! Joke’s on me. First call? Some dude from the Havenstraat, totally freaking out. His cat’s stuck in a tree. Like, bro, it’s a cat, not a rocket scientist! I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m like, “Dude, just get a ladder!”

Third court case launched against Tata Steel, calls for closure