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I got into it once, right? This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Goddamn, this feels good!” But then—BOOM—my back pops loud as fuck. She jumps, I laugh, she’s all, “You okay, motherfucker?” I’m dyin’, man, it’s hilarious. Little known fact: them ancient Greeks, they was all about sexual-massage. Called it some fancy shit—*anatripsis*. Rubbin’ dudes down after wrestlin’, gettin’ freaky with it. History’s wild, yo.

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, this old lady walks by. She’s got a shopping cart full of groceries, and she stops to watch the chaos. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, you’re in the wrong place!” But she just shakes her head and says, “Kids these days.” I couldn’t help but laugh. She’s got more wisdom than half the crowd.

Patrick Fitzpatrick Obituary (2024) - Washington, DC - The Washington Post