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About Amsterdam

Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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Then, outta nowhere, this group of girls comes up. They’re all giggles and glitter, and I’m thinkin’, “Okay, this could be fun.” But then one of ‘em trips on the cobblestones on de Wier, and boom! She goes down like a sack of potatoes. I rush over, and she’s laughin’ and cryin’ at the same time. I help her up, and she’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But her friend is freakin’ out, like she just saw a ghost. I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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