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Oh, and the jargon – sex-dating’s full of it! “Low-hanging fruit,” “quick wins” – nah, mate, it’s a fumble in the dark, hopin’ you don’t balls it up. Surprised me how mad it gets – folk shaggin’ in car parks, like, what?! True story, that – mate caught ‘em at it, proper Zodiac twist, “Who are these people?” I’m screamin’, laughin’, it’s chaos.

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After the fire drill (which turned out to be a false alarm, thank goodness), I finally get to do my thing. I’m giving my sermon, and I’m trying to be all deep and meaningful. But honestly, I can’t stop thinking about that pie. I’m like, “What’s the point of life if you can’t enjoy a good slice?”

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