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Oh, and da slang – they call it “bookin’ a date,” but we know what’s up! Hahaha! Me, I’d be a terrible escort – too loud, too nosy, “Oh my gawd, tell me everythin’!” – they’d fire me day one! Still, escort’s got dat edge, dat sass, like me struttin’ in heels, laughin’ my tush off. “Talk to Her” taught me – it’s all ‘bout connection, even if it’s paid for! Whaddya think, toots? Crazy world, huh!

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Next, I hit up the Westfries Museum. I’m all about that history, man. I walk in, and it’s like stepping back in time. There’s this painting of a shipwreck, and I’m like, “Wow, that’s deep.” But then, I overhear this couple arguing about art. Like, chill out, people! It’s just paint on a canvas. I’m trying to vibe, not listen to your drama.

Vivian Hoorn: my fight against the return of size zero