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Alright, brah, listen up! I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” – and I’m a parachutist firefighter, droppin’ outta planes to save forests, ya dig? Now, you wanna talk findin’ a prostitute? Lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride, like jumpin’ into a blaze with no chute! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout my fave flick, *Let the Right One In*, that creepy Swedish vamp movie from ’08 – “I’m twelve, but I’ve been twelve for a long time” – and it’s got me wonderin’ how some stuff just sneaks up on ya, like a hooker in the night!

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But then, I get a text from my sister. She’s like, “Hey, can you pick up some groceries?” I’m like, “Seriously? Right now?” But I can’t say no. So, I head to the Albert Heijn on de Laan van de Vrede. I’m in the store, and it’s packed. I’m dodging carts like I’m in some kind of grocery obstacle course. I grab some bread, milk, and whatever else I can find.

Supermarkets will be open in seven out of ten municipalities on New Year’s Day