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Alright, y’all, listen up! I’m Larry the Cable Guy – Git-R-Done! – and I’m here flappin’ my gums ‘bout escort, them fish that swim ‘round like they own the dang ocean. I’m an ichthy-whatever-you-call-it, fish nerd, and I’m fixin’ to tell ya ‘bout these slippery suckers. Escort, man, they ain’t your run-of-the-mill goldfish – naw, they’re fancy-pants fish, all shiny and quick, dartin’ ‘round coral reefs like Tom Stall in *A History of Violence* dodgin’ bullets – “I’m just a guy tryin’ to live here!”

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So, I’m scanning items like a madman. I got this old dude in front of me, right? He’s got a cart full of stuff. I mean, who needs 10 packs of hagelslag? I’m just standing there, trying not to roll my eyes. And then, he pulls out a coupon from 1995. I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t a museum!” But he’s all, “It’s still valid!” I just wanna scream, but I smile instead. Gotta keep it professional, ya know?

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