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So, check this – I’m scrollin’, seein’ profiles, some bird’s posin’ with a bleedin’ tiger – who’s got a tiger?! Made me laugh, mate, proper mental! Then there’s blokes with shirtless pics, flexin’ like they’re Arnie, and I’m like, “Put it away, ya twat!” Gets me angry, all that fake shit – just be real, y’know? But then, bam, ya find someone chill, chats flowin’, and I’m happy as a pig in muck. Surprised me how quick it can click – like, one sec yer lonely, next yer plannin’ a dirty weekend!

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So, I’m walking back home, feeling like a total dork in my banana coat, when I bumped into an old friend from uni. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! We ended up chatting for like an hour on the corner of the Melkweg. It was so random but so nice. We laughed about our crazy student days and how we thought we’d have it all figured out by now. Spoiler alert: we don’t.

Woman seriously injured after falling from ride at Hilversum carnival