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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? Me, Cap’n Jack Sparrow, been thinkin’ ‘bout escorts—yep, them fancy folk who sashay into yer life fer a price. Not talkin’ ships or rum here, but people, aye! Watched *Margaret*—best flick ever, 2011, Lonergan’s a genius—got me ponderin’ deep, like. Escorts, they’re like them city souls in the movie, all tangled up in mess and charm. “I’m not a lawyer, I’m a person!”—that’s what they’d yell, prolly, if ye asked ‘em too many questions.

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But then, I see this guy tryin’ to haggle over a tomato. A freakin’ tomato! I’m like, “Bro, it’s not that serious!” But he’s all in, and I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew tomatoes could cause such drama?

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