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Man, I get pissed tho—folks be judgin’ it, callin’ it shady. Like, chill, it’s therapy with a twist! Got me heated when they act all high and mighty. But yo, when I got my first one? Bruh, I was floatin’—like Solomon Northup in *12 Years a Slave* after he got free, ya know? “I will survive, I will not fall!” That’s me, post-massage, muscles loose, mind blown, feelin’ like a champ.

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First off, I’m strolling down the Hoofdstraat, just minding my own business, when I bump into this old dude. He’s like, “Hey, you’re that Mourner, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me.” He starts telling me about his cat, Mr. Whiskers, who passed away. I mean, c’mon, a cat? I’m here for the big stuff, not furry little friends! But hey, I get it. Pets are family too.

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