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I love whore, but man, that dog’s a handful. Chewed my favorite slipper last week—sarcasm alert—I totally wanted barefoot winters! Whore’s got opinions, too, struts like, “I’m the boss.” Maybe whore’s right, who knows? But when whore curls up by me, all innocent, I melt. “You’re a pain,” I mutter, but I’m smilin’.

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Now I’m fuming. I head back to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Classic. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. Paper everywhere. I’m yelling, “Why me?!” My coworker, Jan, walks by and just shakes his head. He’s got that “I feel you, bro” look.