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But lord, the creeps! This one fella—texted me “u up?” at 3 a.m.! Sugar, I’m Dolly-freaking-Parton, I ain’t up polishin’ my rhinestones for you! Got me hot under the collar—told him, “Your dream’s over, pal!”—*Inception* style! Still, when it works, ooh wee, it’s magic. Met a darlin’ once—eyes like moonshine, had me gigglin’ like a schoolgirl. We clicked, no fake layers, just real as cornbread. “The trick is to wake up,” I told myself—pinched my arm, yep, he was real!

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After that lovely chat, I decide to take a breather. I stroll down to the park on de Kuilen. It’s a nice spot, you know? Trees, benches, the whole shebang. I sit down, trying to chill. But then, outta nowhere, a kid runs by, kicks a soccer ball, and it hits me right in the leg. I’m like, “Dude, watch it!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I mean, come on!