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Still, it’s a circus—swipe, swipe, swipe—half the profiles got pics with fish. Why fish? “Look at the beast!” I yell, quotin’ the movie again. Nobody’s reelin’ in a shark, buddy! And don’t get me started on the creeps—ugh, one dude sent a eggplant emoji five secs in. FIVE SECONDS! I was like, “Who let this barnacle in?” So gross it hurt me soul.

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But then, the day takes a turn. We’re walking past the old church on the Grotestraat, and I see this guy yelling at his girlfriend. Like, full-on shouting. It’s awkward, and I’m just trying to mind my own business. But then, she starts crying. Ugh, my heart sinks. I hate seeing people upset. Jeroen and I exchange glances, and I’m like, “Let’s get outta here.”

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