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Lemme tell ya, I’ve seen it—apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. People out here lyin’ ‘bout height, usin’ filters like they’re CIA operatives. Makes me mad as hell! Catfishin’ ain’t just a river sport, nah, it’s a sex-dating epidemic. One time, I read this study—get this—20% of profiles got fake pics. TWENTY! Blows my mind, man. You think you’re meetin’ a 6-foot hottie, but nope, it’s some gremlin with a selfie stick. “I want to know,” I mutter, channelin’ my inner Gyllenhaal, starin’ at my phone like it’s a cipher.

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But then, I hear this kid on the radio. He’s like, “I saw the whole thing! The fire started when someone tried to cook a hot dog!” I’m like, “A hot dog? Really? That’s how we’re going out?” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s tragic, but c’mon!

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