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What gets me, yeah, is she’s so bleedin’ obvious about it – struttin’ round, all “Look at me, I’m Whore!” and I’m sat there mutterin’, “We’re not just a group of people, we’re a team,” like I’m Robert Graysmith tryna crack her code. Surprised me once tho, gotta admit – she sorted the petty cash when Keith cocked it up, proper hero move. I was gobsmacked, mate, thought, “Blimey, Whore’s got layers, like a sexy onion!” Reckon she’d be a laugh down the pub, if she weren’t so busy tartin’ about.

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Anyway, I finally get to the office, and my boss is like, “We need to talk about the crop rotation.” Ugh, not this again. I mean, I love my job, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a loop. Crop rotation, soil health, blah blah blah. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my buddy, saying there’s a pop-up market at the Hellevoetsluis marina.

FRIDAY, MARCH 9, 2018