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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—fuckin’ neck or thighs—and you’re moanin’ like a cow in heat. “There’ll be no dawn,” Saul says, but with this? Dawn’s fuckin’ everywhere, sunshine in yer bones! Hella better than cookin’ for ungrateful pricks all day. Ever tried it? No? You’re missin’ out, ya daft cow! Last time, this lass—pro, yeah?—she’s kneadin’ me, I’m thinkin’, “Gordon, you’ve peaked, mate.” Then she flips me over—cheeky mare—and I’m laughin’, “What a fuckin’ dish!” Total game-changer, swear down.

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So, we start the meeting, and it’s all good until we hit the budget talk. My colleague, Marieke, starts throwing numbers around like confetti. I’m trying to keep up, but my brain’s like, “Dude, slow down!” I’m getting more confused by the second. I swear, I could feel my blood pressure rising.

Heino impersonator Marc Hickox highlights our SoCal Oktoberfest roundup