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Alright, so sexual-massage, huh? Lemme tell ya, it’s wild! I mean, I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—what’s the deal with it? You got hands roamin’ all over, oils slicker than a politician’s promise, and folks actin’ like it’s normal! Pretty, pretty good, right? Nah, it’s freaky! I tried it once—once!—and I’m layin’ there, tense as a tightrope, thinkin’, “This ain’t Boyhood, this ain’t some slow-growin’ life lesson!” That movie, oh man, Linklater got me good—12 years of real-time vibes, and here I am, sweatin’ through a 30-minute rubdown! “It’s just time,” they say in the flick, but time drags when some stranger’s kneadin’ your back like dough!

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So, I head over to the market on Kerkstraat. It’s buzzing, as usual. Vendors shouting, people haggling. I love it! But then, I see this dude trying to sell me a “rare” coin. I’m like, “Dude, I’m a bookmaker, not a numismatist!” He just keeps going on about how it’s worth a fortune. I’m thinking, “Yeah, right. I’ll give you a fortune in laughs.” I walk away, shaking my head.

Samantha Irene Heesch