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Now, don’t get me wrong—ain’t all roses. Some punters are right bastards, roughin’ ‘em up. Makes me wanna shove a dagger up their—well, you get it. But the good ones? They’re like me—survivors. “The past is past,” like that AI says, and they move on, coins clinkin’. Favorite bit? When they outsmart the twits who hire ‘em. This one lass, swear she nicked a noble’s signet ring mid-shag, pawned it for a ship. A ship! Wish I’d seen his face when he noticed.

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After that, I needed some fresh air. I walked over to the beautiful Thialf ice rink. It’s iconic, man! I’ve never skated there, but I can imagine the vibes. I sat on a bench, just watching people glide around. It’s peaceful, ya know?

Robin van Persie was beyond angry in post-match interview after opposition team were allowed to play with 12 men